The Lullaby Angel

It was the first time in years I’d actually made it to bed before 10 p.m.  It’s always a goal, but somehow it doesn’t happen. Now, however, there was strong motivation: my toddler grandson who sometimes sleeps all night and sometimes doesn’t. You don’t fool around at these times—it’s a matter of survival.

Sure enough, after a few hours of sleep, I heard the battle cry: “Bubbie, Bubbie!”  While it was, thrillingly, recognition of the bond that we had formed---he remembered to call for me instead of his out-of-town parents---I resolved to not give in. It took eight minutes for this resolve to crumble. I went in and picked him up.

We sat in the big chair in his room and I rocked and hummed a lullaby. He settled down and I slowly moved to put him back in the crib. No way. Another lullaby, more settling, another move, more refusal. After a few rounds of this I lovingly but firmly put him back in his crib to scream it out. I admitted defeat, and questioning my right to the title of Lady Lullaby, I slunk out of the room.

Just then a 23-year-old angel appeared. Her name was Veronica, and we’d signed her on just in case this happened for four nights in a row. Young parents do this many nights in a row---I did too, once upon a time---but now this grandmother becomes a useless zombie after not sleeping for a couple nights. To save us all from that fate, the angel offered to take over.

I heard soft singing and the screams gradually turned to whimpers. As I started to relax and fully appreciate being horizontal, the singing continued and the whimpering grew quieter. Songs flowed on and on, one after another, until finally there was real quiet.

In the morning I hugged the angel and asked what she was singing all that time. She didn’t remember any lullabies, she said, so she just went through all the songs she knew: from high school and college musicals she’d been part of; the hit songs of her teen-age years; church hymns and fight songs; and finally all the music from “Les Mis,” sung lullaby style.

The words didn’t matter and the tunes didn’t matter---it was the sweetness, the joy of singing, the loving feelings, and the youthful endurance that came through. This is what the lullaby instinct is all about---this is the heart of lulling a baby to sleep.

And tonight, back in my own bed, I wish his parents---and all parents---patience, endurance, and a memory full of songs of all kinds.

Sweet dreams to young and old,

Jane

Tamales For St. Peter

As my four-year-old granddaughter and I were excitedly waiting for her very first ballet class at the YMCA to begin--purple leotard, pink tights in place---a young man was leaving the room after working out. He asked about the class, and then pulled out his cell phone to show me a picture of his beautiful six-month old daughter. “She’ll be dancing soon too,” he said proudly.

Because it’s what I do, I asked if he sings lullabies to his daughter.

“Oh yes,” he said, “I sing her lullabies in Spanish---the songs my mother sang to me when I was a baby in Mexico.”

“Perfect!” I replied. And it is. This is a wonderful and important gift to a child, passing along the songs of the previous generations.

Spotlight on Music agrees: “Apart from their obvious entertainment value, children's songs and games are often important vehicles for cultures to transmit important knowledge to next generation. Song lyrics or game actions might provide models for cultural customs or family and other social relationships.”

And like my new friend, families migrate, and the culture and the music of the new place will have an influence on the music that the immigrant brings to his new home. This is the nature of our global societies, and it will create new and exciting forms of music.

Similarly, music travels even when people don’t. In Mexico, for instance, because of the cultural influence of the United States, translations of children's songs from English to Spanish have become a part of the children’s music. Songs like "Itzi, bitzi arena" ("The Itsy, Bitsy Spider") and "Estrellita" ("Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star") are as popular in that Mexico as they are in the US.

Our job, in the midst of all this blending of cultures, is to also keep our cultural traditions strong by preserving the integrity of the precious songs that should be passed along to future generations. If you sing the songs that you heard as a child, your child will too.

There are hundreds of beautiful Mexican lullabies, but one of my favorites is “Arriba Del Ciela” (Above Heaven)

This lullaby has many elements. It tells a story about St. Peter wanting tamales, has some nonsense lullaby syllables to hush the baby to sleep, and then it gets to the bottom line:  “Go to sleep because I have chores to do!” Like in many lullabies, the sublime, the humorous, and the practical meet, as the mother gets a chance to dream, be playful, and then comes back to reality. In this version, though, we also have the child afraid that the parents will sell her/him to buy money for food---perhaps this is a common childhood fear, or perhaps it’s a sad nod to a world where such things really happen.

Here is a beautiful video of Claudia Martinez singing “Arriba Del Cielo”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=IdBEFtv5M_c

Above heaven they make tamales
Above heaven they make tamales
San Pedro heard about that and he ordered to bring the real ones
San Pedro heard about that and he ordered to bring the real ones
To the rorrun baby to the rorrun now
To the rorrun baby to the rorrun now
sleep lovely baby boy
sleep lovely baby boy
sleep lovely baby boy because I have things to do
sleep lovely baby boy because I have things to do
to whash your cloth diapers and go to sew
to whash your cloth diapers and go to sew
To the rorrun baby to the rorrun now
To the rorrun baby to the rorrun now
sleep lovely baby boy
sleep lovely baby boy
My dad and mom want to sell me
My dad and mom want to sell me
in exchange for chile and tomatoes that they want to eat
in exchange for chile and tomatoes that they want to eat
To the rorrun baby to the rorrun now
To the rorrun baby to the rorrun now
sleep lovely baby boy
sleep lovely baby boy

Arriba del cielo hicieron tamales
Arriba del cielo hicieron tamales
Lo supo San Pedro y mandó a traer los reales
Lo supo San Pedro y mandó a traer los reales
A la rorrun niño a la rorron cha
A la rorrun niño a la rorron cha
Duermete niñito de mi corazón
Duermete niñito de mi corazón
Duermete niñito que tengo que hacer
Duermete niñito que tengo que hacer
Lavar tus pañales, y ponerme a coser
Lavar tus pañales, y ponerme a coser
A la rorrun niño a la rorron cha
A la rorrun niño a la rorron cha
Duermete niñito de mi corazón
Duermete niñito de mi corazón
Mi papa y mi mama me quieren vender
Mi papa y mi mama me quieren vender
Por chile y tomates que quieren comer
Por chile y tomates que quieren comer
A la rorron niño a la rorron ya
A la rorron niño a la rorron ya
Duermete niñito de mi corazón
Duermete niñito de mi corazón

Sweet Dreams,

Jane

Siblings: Remember It’s a Win-Win

 "I don’t understand how people learn to live in the world if they haven’t had siblings. . . . Everything I learned about negotiation, territoriality, coexistence, dislike, inbred differences and love came from (them).” Anna Quindlan (Siblings)

It’s a whole different thing than my last visit a couple months ago, I realize, as I watch my grandchildren jog the loop around from living room through hallway over and over. The almost-two-year-old boy can now run, and that makes all the difference. The four-year-old girl is like his puppet master---she slows down, he slows down; she goes faster, he tries to keep up and hardly notices when he falls down in the attempt.

She catches him and tumbles him to the ground and he laughs with delight—until it’s suddenly too rough and the laugh turns to tears. Game over. As the substitute referee, it’s a tough call, figuring out if each tackle is within the bounds of the game or not. Pro football doesn’t have to take into account the psychology of sibling relationship issues.

(Flashback: I clearly see my son--the present-day dad--as a four year old, casually sticking out his foot to trip his toddler sister as she devotedly followed his every move. She had no idea what happened, and just picked herself up and kept on following--it was worth it just to be with him.)

Dr. James M. Herzog suggests that enhanced learning from an older sibling can begin as early as 15 to 18 months, which is the time the younger child’s motor skills allow him to imitate the physical accomplishments of an older sibling.

I notice especially the musical tutoring that’s going on daily. The older one says something in a certain tone and pitch, and he imitates it exactly (without real words, which makes it truly comical). She comes home from pre-school with a new song and he sings along, not knowing the song at all, and imitates her hand motions, just for the sheer joy of doing what she’s doing.

As the little one’s skills are growing day by day, his big sister is his best teacher. After all, she is a magical creature to him---someone much closer to his size than grown-ups but still worlds ahead in knowing how the world works. At the same time her confidence in her knowledge grows with his adoration, and all in all, it’s a win-win for them both.

And for this subjective/objective observer it’s a win-win too. I hope you too can stop once in a while, in the midst of all the little and big sibling rivalry issues, take the long view, and recognize it as a win-win too!

“You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.” - Desmond Tutu

Sweet Dreams,

Jane

Next Time Round The Sun

Another year is gone, time will not be captured

Even when we try so hard to hold on to the past

No repeats allowed of regrets or rapture

The moment comes, the moment goes

It happens all so fast

As the planet spins around again

As dreams are lost and found again

We take a look at where we’ve been

And where we want to be

When all is said and done

Next time round the sun

As I thought of what I’d done right this past year and what I’d done wrong, lots of big and little regrets and raptures came into my mind, and I knew that there wasn't a darn thing I could do about either one. I wish I’d tipped that great cab driver better last week. I was glad I’d chosen to make the too-long trip to spend the holidays with my kids and grandchildren. I wish I’d taken the time to write more music in the past year. I was glad that I dared to perform for the first time in a long time, even though I regretted not practicing more for it. Will this be the constant theme of life?

 As parents and grandparents, we’ll always make mistakes, little and big, that we wish we could take back.  And we’ll do things that we’re proud of having done, seeing the results shining in the eyes of the children, and wish that moment could last longer. We can’t take back the mistakes, we just have to try to not do that exact one again. And appreciate those good moments as much as we can.

No repeats allowed, of either regrets or rapture.

There is only one thing that we can do to help minimize the mistakes and maximize appreciation of the good times---staying balanced and rested as possible. When we’re rested we can think more clearly and make those snap decisions with better brain power, calculation, and intuition. Research shows that calming music at bedtime can help both you and your kids fall asleep faster and sleep better.

Staying rested isn’t easy, with so much to do in our fast-paced world, but it’s a goal. That’s my Big Goal for this New Year, because then I know that all the little goals will have more of a chance of being fulfilled.

Happy New Year to all!

Sweet Dreams,

Jane

On vacation with my daughter, we sat by the beach for one whole gloriously sunny day and watched the ocean waves rolling in with endless energy. They just kept coming and coming and coming. Hour after hour, day after day, year after year. Sometimes calm and sometimes wild and dangerous. They had no choice about it—it’s what they have to do, being tied to the irrefutable forces of nature.

The song of the river is a song of devotion

It doesn't know why, but it travels till it reaches the ocean floor

It’s song fulfilled in the ocean’s roar